12 Schritte frei

This article is written by Sam (real name known) and published with kind permissions by her. –- noart

I am picturing a new rendition of the movie „Flatliners“. In the real movie, these med students were curious what happens when you flatline, so they induced death in each other and then revived them to see what they had experienced while being dead. Kind of creepy movie.

But really, I can see a „Flatliners“ movie, where innocent people go into this program that they are told is going to save their lives and instead, they really wind up flatliners. And what happens to them while they are flatlined in AA. And the twist is, they do not know they are being flatlined at all, they just wonder why their world is going crazy.

Or they are told that they must be flatlined in order to live, such as AA's death to self deal. And willing submit themselves to living/flatlined. Bill perplexed, saying there seems to be no way to entirely rid ourselves of self except by a higher power. He truly must have believed that the self was an evil that must be destroyed.

Never understood this concept. If you rid yourself of your self, you are dead. Now why would a God want to create *living* beings and then expect them to remove themselves (die) and replace themselves with Him? Seems like that would be a bit boring, and irrational. If he gave us life, why would he not want us to LIVE. I just don't get this stuff.

Same thing with the getting rid of our will, as if our will is an evil. If God gave us a will, why would he want us to give it back to him? It is ilogical to me. Why would he not fully expect us to use it?

I also never understood the phrase „I need to get *out* of myself“. I may just see things too literally, but I don't get it. If you take yourself *out* of yourself, you are dead.

Bear in mind that I am a believer in God. I find the entire program to be utter blasphemy. Especially the daily self sacrifice and living life on a cross and endlessly trying to rip ourselves open for the defect–it is blasphemy to the Christian religion. It is like being required by this program to do what Jesus did. It is my understanding that he died so that we would be able to live our lives free and not be shackled by torment of sin or defect. It is blasphemy and repulsive, these 4th steps and 10th steps, the constant attempt to kill all the things that make us human as he created us to be.

Frankly, I feel that the whole program is blasphemy to life itself. The whole focus is on trying to suppress or get rid of yourself. It is blasphemous to atheists, to anyone. Just entirely blasphemous and a perversion to me.

Life is to be lived while you have it. Not to be killed on a daily basis. These things I do not understand and I do not understand how they can click with any belief system that embraces life.

What happens when someone shoves you under the water to attempt to drown you? Everything inside you struggles to get back up to air, to live. Even if you attempt to drown yourself, your instincts wish to fight this. We have the instinct to LIVE. What makes someone so sick as Bill to wish to squealch life?

His inability to show discipline over his own behaviors? He felt they could not be controlled unless his „self“ was dead?

I do hope the religious thoughts I brought up are not offensive. I simply find the whole program an utter blasphemy to the most beautiful thing that we have and that is our LIFE. Regardless of what one's religious beliefs are or not.

John ¹⁾ used to always post, Live Free or Die. I like that. Which of those choices do you get in the rooms of AA??